Mommy Issues
by DeadNotSleeping2048
Summary: AKA Closure. Rachel and Jesse become friends due to working in the same musical on Broadway. Jesse realises that what Rachel really needs to move on with her life is closure in her relationship with her mother. So that's exactly what he gives her. Sort of St. Berry romance but mostly just friendship.


Mommy Issues

At 22 years old, Rachel Berry was an up-and-coming Broadway star. She had graduated from NYADA at the top of all of her classes and she was currently playing the role of Wendla Bergman in the new Broadway rock musical, Spring Awakening. Basically, her life was perfect. Apart from one issue. After accepting the role, she realised that the man who'd be playing opposite her was the same man who'd broken her heart and made her into a human omelette. Yes, Jesse St. James was playing her love interest, Melchior Gabor.

After weeks of bickering and snide comments, the two decided that they needed to grow up. They were the youngest and least experienced cast members in the production and they'd somehow managed to bag the two main roles. Their co-stars didn't need any more reason to think that they were too immature for their roles. Since then, they'd formed a tight friendship, which was necessary as Rachel hadn't realised prior to signing her contract quite how up close and personal she was going to have to get on stage.

Sure, the name Spring Awakening hints at sexual connotations, but the awkwardness was stifling for days during rehearsals. Jesse had made a joke about them getting further on stage than they ever did while they were dating and that made the entire cast feel embarrassed. Luckily, after a stern word from their director, they'd got past the awkwardness and it was no longer a problem for them.

After performing together for 8 shows per week for three months, their past together was a mere speck in the distance. They became very close, as would be expected, and Rachel finally felt as though she had a best friend to tell all of her secrets to.

One night, after the show, the two friends were sat outside on the steps of the theatre. Everybody else had long since left, considering it was around 4 in the morning. The city was awake, of course seeing as it was New York, but the area around the theatre was quiet and there was just a buzz in the background. Rachel had her head lying on Jesse's shoulder and his arm was wrapped around her waist. He broke the peaceful silence.

"Do you know why I like playing Melchior so much?"

"Why?" His friend replied, looking up at him.

"He's so much like me."

"What do you mean?"

"He loses the only people he's ever loved." The words were almost accusing. Rachel knew that they were directed at her.

"The only thing I have in common with Wendla is that we both have mommy issues."

Jesse gave a bitter laugh. "That's true. At least yours don't lead to your tragic death."

"They nearly did." Rachel said quietly, looking down. Her hair fell to hide her face.

"What are you talking about?" Jesse asked, a hint of desperation and pleading clear in his voice. He really hoped that he'd misunderstood her comment.

"You know you were my first long-term boyfriend. After the incident in the parking lot and out breakup, I began to question myself, like all girls who've just been dumped do. Was I not pretty enough? Was I not smart enough? Was there someone else? So, what I thought I needed was reassurance from my mother. But she didn't want me either. "Tears were steadily making their way down the tiny brunette's cheeks, the pain still fresh in her mind even after all these years.

"She wanted her baby back, not me. When she adopted Beth I felt like she'd replaced me. I wasn't good enough for you and I wasn't good enough for her. Both of my other boyfriends had chosen cheerleaders over me. Even my mother didn't want me around. The one person who's meant to love me unconditionally. I wasn't even loved by her. She didn't care about me. I got to the point where I thought nobody would even care if I died. I'd imagined my funeral before with Finn throwing himself on the grave and pleading for me to come back and everybody realising that they should have been nicer to me, but when I thought it through, I knew it would be empty. Anybody who did show up would just be doing it out of politeness to my dads. And yeah they'd be sad, but they'd get over it. So I tried to kill myself. I started cutting and I stopped singing. No matter what I did, I'd never be good enough so I gave up on trying. The only reason I'm alive right now was because Puck was worried about me and showed up at my house. I was in hospital for almost a month after that, they wanted to make sure I wouldn't try again. And I didn't. I thought about it, but I promised Puck that I wouldn't after he found me. When I woke up he was there, still covered in my blood. He was even crying. That's when I realised that there's always a reason to live, even if it isn't obvious."

"You are more than good enough, Rachel. You are perfect." Jesse forced Rachel's head up gently until her eyes met his. She was surprised to find that his eyes were filled with unshed tears as well as the honesty and love she saw in them. "I really did love you, you know. I still do. I still have nightmares about what I did to you. It made me hate myself even more than I already did. You were the one good thing I had in my life, and I ruined everything."

"It's okay. It's all in the past." Rachel soothed.

"What if I don't think that's right?" Jesse asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You might act like you're over it, but you aren't. You need closure, and I'm not talking about our relationship. You need to talk to Shelby, tell her what you told me. You don't need her in your life, you're too strong for that, but you need to get it all out so you can finally move on."

"I don't know whether this is a good idea..."

"I promise, I'll be there the whole time."

Jesse kept his promise and in their next break, the two of them travelled back to Lima. They had arranged to meet up with Shelby at the Lima Bean. Jesse stays there with Rachel as she talks to her mother.

"I have some things I need to say. I haven't forgiven you and I don't think I ever will. I'm not back here to make up. I'm here because Jesse thinks I need this to move on with my life. I am thankful for what you did for my dads, but to me you are just an egg donor. You are not my mother. When you came back into my life, I thought that we could have a normal relationship. I'd always wanted a mother. You destroyed me when you left and replaced me with my friends' daughter. Now I realise that I never needed you, I just thought I did. You made me feel so unwanted and unlovable and I blamed myself for you not wanting to spend time with me. Now I realise that everything that happened between us is down to you, and I had nothing to do with it. I hope you have a good life. I never want to see you again, don't contact me. Goodbye."

Before Shelby had chance to reply, Rachel grabbed Jesse's arm and pulled him from the shop.

"You were right, I needed that."


End file.
